To the unknown

I sit here alone to watch the sunset
But for a company I long
For someone who is yet to come
To whom I will belong
But when the sun sinks, I wonder
Who could you be, for whom I wait?
Flowers may no longer inspire me
Nor may the stars above
Like in them lies no beauty
You who will reign over my thoughts
And the dreams of my nights
Would you trigger the ink flow in my pen?
Would you be my muse?
On whose sight I would smile,
Someday when my body betrays me
When I grow old and weak
Can I still hold your hand?

Monday blue turned yellow

Yesterday was Monday and a holiday in Telengana for some festival, the name of which I am unaware. Friends planned to sleep half the day and then chill and I was like, Damn! I have classes. And classes I did have, morning 10 to 12, afternoon 2 to 4. Nothing more exhausting than classes on a holiday. No one likes Mondays anyways, especially me. It worsens, when you have a holiday on Monday but you still have classes. So Monday blue became a shade darker.

After the fourth hour I returned to my room, to my nest. Tired I decided to take some rest so I leaped on my bed and switched on my phone data. As soon as its done a message pops up. "Welcome little man. Happy parenthood to Ata and mathang", reads the message. Its delivered in our family group chat on wechat from my third elder brother. We have been waiting for him to arrive and finally he is here. So brother and I, both excited debates on who will get to see him first. The impatience built up but we had to wait for his photo. But when I finally receive his photo, all the impatient feelings melts into love for that little one. All the tiredness and the frustration for Monday vanishes. A tiny face, pink eyelids, a cute small mouth and fair complexioned. "He is fair", I think out loud, to which all the family members agree. The blue colour fades into yellow at the end of the day. How can I not love the day this little one steps into our family? I stare into his peaceful sleeping face. Today is his second day and in every photo I see of him, he is sleeping so I decide to call him the 'Sleeping handsome'. Come November and I can see him in real and hold him. Excited!

Congratulating my brother and in-law on their first born, congratulating my family on another new member and myself on getting the third nephew. Wishing our little one all the happiness and good health with a promise to be there for him on every step he takes. We love you boy!

My love still exists

My love that existed yesterday

Exists even today

I long for your hair even today

My nights are still spent in your thoughts

My crazy condition exists even today 

I don't wan't to see any other

My dishonest eyes

Have a modicum of decency left even today

Love me once and then leave me if you wish

Even now you have the permission

To break my heart and leave

NOTE: A shairy from the movie Akaash Vani. A perfect message for the ones who can't let go and for the ones whom they can't let go of.

Endmost Note

Five years!

I am gonna meet my death

God help me

Prayed I

Just in first year

I used to say

Four short years ago

And here I am

A final year student

When asked

Fifth year

I answer with pride

Head held high

Patting myself on the back

You made it out alive

I tell myself

Lesser classes

Chilled schedule

Just a year

And goodbye law school

Love Letters

So I am having one of those sleepless nights and then my thoughts wandered far and wide. As I let my thoughts wander, I rolled back into my school days. That, also reminded me that I have a blog and I haven't updated anything for quite a while. And here I am sitting infront of my laptop trying to put my thoughts into words. Ah! the school days. Those days were the most carefree days, GOSH! Of course apart from those stressful days of exams and little scoldings and beatings from the teachers, those were the finest days. Following the regular schedule on time, going to school, coming back and writing our homework was all we had to worry about. Compared to the present day of my life, where worries weigh more than anything, those worries were insignificant.

Curiosity is always associated with kids and kids we were. Even with the boundary set for us as students, we would discretely cross that boundary finding some sort of satisfaction and happiness on the other end. Experimenting, we were in the process of discovering 'things'. Some tried smoking, some tired sniffing correcting fluid and some tried chewing tobacco, while the others tried learning the values of life, education, teachers, parents, friendship and not to forget LOVE! Starting of the school used to be the most exciting days. The students had one of their ears and eyes dedicated to the newcomers. Unless the newcomer was a jerk or a drama queen, which of course none of us would know in the beginning, everyone would rush to befriend them. The dominant ones used to 'book' the beautiful newcomer but more than often, they ended up being friend-zoned. 

Photo courtesy: Google

And there were those Saturdays when people used wear their best gho and kira to school. The girls tried their best to match the colours of their tego, wonju and kira. Reflecting upon it, I guess we looked like caterpillars when we dressed in green and like some bug when we dressed in red. The social work time used to be interaction time, not just among classmates but also between the juniors and the seniors.

Almost ninety nine percent of the love stories in school used be love on first sights. The student who liked the other shied away from him or her and escaped every little confrontations. Talking in person with that person was never an option. That is when 'love letters' came to the rescue of the ones struck with Cupid's arrows. With boys often being the ones writing the first love letter of 'proposal', girls were spared the humiliation of rejection. The closest friend of the girl or the boy was one delivering the letters, often called the 'messenger'. Though the boy had written the letter, almost forty percent of the chances for beginning of the relationship depended on the messenger. The boy always used to be in a rush to know the response. Sometimes the girl did not even accept the letter, some threatened to report the letter to a teacher if the boy did not stop writing letters to her. The others would read it and say no and yet some took the trouble to write a letter to explain why they can't accept his 'love', simultaneously friend-zoning him.

If the girl also liked the guy, she wrote back a letter of acceptance or just told the messenger that she likes him too. Then, the letters carrying the unspoken words of love were exchanged between the lovebirds; inside notebooks and textbooks or desks. From then on their lives revolved around it. Letters were often addressed to, "My nearest and dearest" and some made use of the lesson taught in the class by using, "Apple of my eyes". Some wrote pages and some wrote a few lines. Often ending with, "Yours forever" or "Yours eternally" and a side note read "I will love you forever" and "Reply as soon as possible".  Extreme care was taken of those letters. If a teacher came across one of those, both the students landed up in huge trouble, from being thrashed to the extent of informing the parents, which also ended up with another session of thrashings. Naturally 'forever' vanished after such thrashing sessions.

I suppose writing love letters helped them improve their language, especially the ones who wrote pages of those. But the ones who were bad in language always bugged the ones good in it to write their love letters. And same was the position of the ones who had bad hand writing. However 'forever' and 'eternally' ended when the school closed or when the students transferred to another school, with most of the once lovers hating on each-other and not even in terms of talking. Those were also the best days to choose bitter enemies; as bitter as divorced couples who had fought over the custody of their child.

I hope those couples later realized that they were wrong and started talking again when they grew old enough to see through their mistakes.

Cell phones have taken over love letters now. One can barely see words of love written on a neatly folded paper these days and this has also lessened the risk of getting caught and the thrashing sessions.

Away from home on losar

Losar, and I am still away from home. On this day I miss my parents and siblings dreadfully. This is my fourth losar away from home. Had a hollow feeling since last night. And it saddens me to know that I will not be home for the next losar as well.

My folks must be all geared up for the losar celebration. Sister and in-law must be up by now, preparing thukpa and suja. Nephew must be up too, all excited and toddling around the house. Apa must be saying his prayers in the alter room. Brother must be glad that he can sleep a few extra hours, tucked warmly under those thick pile of blankets. Nieces must be happy that they have no school today and its losar. The weather must be cold still and they must be sticking to eachother in bed.

After a while, sister will force them out of their beds because on losar you should wake up early, only then will you be able wake up early on the other days of the year.

I always used to be so excited about losar and start to make plans for the day even if I knew that losar was in two weeks time. Other days used to be the hardest to get up but on  losar, I would rise as early as my mother and father. I used to love drawing and painting and losars used to be my favorite drawing and painting day. After breakfast, my siblings and I used to play games while our parents would prepare lunch and before lunch we would bask in the sun, the whole family together. Sigh! those were beautiful days. After lunch my parents would sit and drink together, just the two of them: years of marriage, 5 kids, a lot of troubles they faced but yet, when I used to see them together like that, I wished time would stop and we would be like that forever. I would sit beside them and draw, paint and do stuffs while my siblings would be playing outside. Those days are long gone now. All of us live in different places. Now celebrating losar together is just a dream and memories.

My mother always used to say, people should wear new clothes on losar, eat good food, be happy and not fight. Because losar is the first day of the year, it marks your year. If you fight on losar, you will fight for the whole year and same with the rest. So, on losars, everytime we were on the verge of quarreling, me and my siblings used to say, "if we quarrel today, we will quarrel the whole year" and then we would end up compromising. That was the charm of our mother's believe that worked on us, that kept us from quarreling.

Got a call from home! Sister says we will celebrate losar together in the future. Growing impatient waiting for that future. 

On this day I send my wishes to my family and the rest. May the day be good for all and may the year be filled with good health and happiness.
TASHI DELEK TO EVERYONE ON LOSAR!

My cycling journey

I have always fancied at how people can ride a bicycle. I wondered about how they could balance themselves on those two wheels, not even wider than two inches. When I was a kid there was this one time when I was forced onto a bicycle by my friends and I fell almost six meters below the road. Thankfully none of my bones broke though I had cuts all over my face, hands and legs. I had to hide behind the door, when my father returned from office, from the fear that he may scold me for trying something I wasn't good at and getting hurt. But now I don't remember if he scolded me or not but he sure nursed my wounds. Even till this day my brothers remembers that incident and laugh. They still recall how my face looked like.

Ever since, I have never even tried to learn how to ride a bicycle let alone ride one. And when I joined college, I saw that many people here were using a bicycle as their means of transportation and almost everyone in my college knew how to ride one and that's when I felt the urge to learn to ride a bicycle.The first time I started to learn how to ride a bicycle, I had bruises on my elbows and knees, I forgot to pedal sometimes and sometimes I forgot to turn the handle on the right direction because I was too nervous and scared. And each time I fell down I would get a new bruise.

After several days I learned to balance on it and did not forget to pedal nor turn the handle. I would ride it in the campus to make sure I can balance well. A few days later, I was cycling on the highway with my friends and the experience was thrilling. By the way, I almost gave a guy a lift on the front wheel on that day. Since then I have learned how to side away from the people walking on the road. The big trucks and buses had me trembling and every time one of those passed by, I stopped.

After a few days of cycling on the highway gave me confidence. So every time I got a chance, I went cycling with my friends. But I never learned to make a U-turn or cross a road, even to this day. I am too scared to turn around, so I get down and push the bicycle to it turn back.

It's now been almost two years since I last rode a bicycle. I have been planning on going for cycling since the starting of the semester but one or the other thing held me back. Finally yesterday I found a reason to go cycling. I wondered if I can balance on that thing again. 'Can I still balance on it?', I asked myself. 'Not confident, may be I can', I replied to myself. So I planned to not go out of the campus if I can't balance well.

When I rode it, I went in a zig zag for a few meters and almost hit a few of those people on the way but I was glad I could still ride on it. When I reached the main gate of my campus, my hands and legs were trembling. I was not so confident if I could ride it on the highway. I however made my attempt and cycled about six kilometers. When I went ahead of my friends I felt like I am going to lose balance and fall down and when I remained behind I felt like I am going to crash into them but thankfully, nothing of the sort happened.

I was sweating when I reached back in the campus. My legs and hands were still trembling. At the same time I was happy that I can still balance on a bicycle. Got to go cycling more frequently, so that I don't have to have those bruises all over again. :)

Very Inspiring Blog Award

I would like to start off by thanking Mrs. Rima Reyka, who blogs at Overcome life, for nominating me for this blog award. Thank you Mrs. Rima. :) It is a pleasure to be nominated for such an award. I can't express how glad I am to receive this award. It should have been the other way round, I should be the one nominating her.I don't know how I have been inspiring to her because I am the inspired one rather than the inspirer in this case. Anyway, I am glad if I had been inspiring in anyway.

So basically, I learnt from a short research on this blog that the blogger, who recieves this award is supposed to follow some rules while posting this and they are as follows:

1. Display the award on your blog.
2. Link back to the person who nominated you.
3. State 7 things about yourself.
4. Nominate 15 bloggers, link to them, and notify them about their nominations.

So here I go following the 4 rules of the award.

Very Inspiring Blog Award. Photo Courtesy: Google

These are the seven things about me:

1. My dream as a primary school kid was to become a doctor, which eventually faded away with the 'not-so-good' marks I scored in science after I reached my junior high. Then I shifted my dream to becoming a teacher and now I am a law student. Funny, how I could not stick to one dream.
2. I did not qualify to continue studying in a government school after my tenth grade and that is when my dream of becoming a school teacher also faded. Thanks to my family, my schooling did not fade away like my dreams.
3. I grew up in the country side with four elder siblings, a sister and three brothers. 
4. I am a terrible cook. Everytime I cook while at home, I either end up cutting my fingers or burning the curry. My folks lose their appetite when I am the cook and that's how I figured out how to keep their weights maintained. :P
5. After my graduation I want to join the judiciary but I am doubtful about how I would perform in the RCSC examination. That exam I think is like a bottle neck, you have to squeeze when you reach the neck and only a few can get through.
6. Once settled down with a secure job I wish to build a house of my own, on the spot, where my late mother dreamt of telling me to build a house. I was a kid when she narrated her dream to me but even after she has been gone for years, her dream lives with me and I am hoping I will be able to fulfill our dream.
7. Everytime a person asks me my favorite colour, food, game or anything of the kind, I don't know what to answer because I really don't have any favorites. I know this sounds kindof weird and hard to believe that there is someone who doesn't have any favorites but here I am.

Well, those were the seven things about me. You know me a little more now. :D And in appreciation of being the inspirers I nominate the following for the award:

1. Langa Tenzin, author of Langa Tenzin's Blog
2. Sangay Duba, author of Sangay Choldens Random Thoughts
3. Sherab Tenzin, author of Sherab Tenzin's Blog
4. Sonam Tenzin, author of SONAM TENZIN's BLOG
5. Ugyen Tenzin, author of Thoughtfolio
6. Lekey Choden Dorji, author of http://choden-dorji.blogspot.in/
7. Kinley Wangchuk, author of Library of my life
8. Kipchu Namgyel author of My stuffs
9. Jigme Zangpo, author of Thoughts of Jigme Zangpo
10. Tshewang Dorji, author of Untold Stories and un-revealed thoughts
11. Dumcho Wangdi, author of Dumcho's NOTEBOOK
12. Sonam Choden, author of I WILL DO IT MY WAY!
13. Tashi Gyalmo, author of Once Along the Journey of My LIfe
14. Amrith Subbha, author of Amrith Bdr Subba's diary | My Personal Journal!
15. Pema Wangyel, author of As i travel my life's journey

I know that most of you have been  nominated for the award but I still nominate you all as you have been my inspirers.

Life: A bar of soap

Whenever I am free, I am either with my computer, browsing all random things on the internet or  I am with my phone downloading songs and applications. In one of those times I came across an application on play store. Its called, 'Lettrs', an application that lets you post letters to both public and to private persons. There is also a feature that lets you make pen-pals, you can address letters to them and they can reply to your letters. I also have a few pen-pals. You have access to all the open letters and thats when I came across this piece. I thought you may love to read it to. So I am sharing it.

This little bar of soap

Perches on that precarious ledge in your bathtub.

That little soap often slips here and there, almost gleefully and

The harder you grab onto it,
The more it evades your grasp.

And you think up a million ways to sneak up on it,

To figure it out, to find the meaning of that little bar of soap.

And while you do all this,

That little bar of soap just sits there, twiddling its thumbs,

...Making bubbles.

Oh but that little soap will give

you are real good clean, once in a while

Deftly sweeping its tiny fingers away from itself,

Sweeping away all your dirt

But most of the time

That little bar of soap just sits there, twiddling its thumbs,

...Making bubbles.

Day in, day out, more of that little soap washes away.

More of that little soap disappears.

And the funny thing is

The littler it gets, the more important it suddenly becomes

"How could I have wasted all that soap?"

"How could I have let it sit there in that insipid water and never use it?"

But soap is soap, it will make bubbles quickly as it can and that's all there is to it.

Of winter break, I, and B-Mobile internet service

Dated: 20/11/2014

It is getting colder, I get into bed by 8:00 PM. Cold feet is never comfortable thus I always wear socks to bed and cover my feet with a small warm blanket underneath the huge blankets that I use to cover myself. Once warm and comfortable in bed I try logging into Facebook. The net is bad but I still try for a few minutes. The net is too lazy to lead me into my account and the warmth of my bed slowly lulls me to sleep. A goodnights sleep after a tiring two hours of walk in the day.

Next day, I find myself awake in the early hours of the morning. Father and niece with whom I share the room are probably fast asleep because I can’t hear them. My first thought is my last act of the night: my phone! With my eyes still half open, I start feeling for my phone. I find it buried beneath the covers with me; sometimes near my feet, sometimes under me. The places I find my phone in, in the mornings makes me feel glad that my phone isn’t a smartphone. A few nudges at a hard key and my phone comes back to life.

First thing I see on the screen is the Facebook message page. Oh my! I have been online the whole night! It seems like the net always works only after I fall asleep. I skim through the few messages that my friends have dropped for me. A ‘Hi’ from one, a ‘sticker’ from another, a ‘Goodnight’ from yet another and etc., some have been online a few minutes before I came back to life, some a few hours ago. I failed to respond to their messages. Curse me not, if you have to, curse the net. While out of the country, I feel amazed about how people so often say the net is bad in the country but now I realize, it wasn’t an excuse. You know it only when you stand in the same shoes. Karma saw that! It is now my time to get the shoe bites. Someone who has always found it funny when people said the net in the country is bad, can’t even say the net is bad when one faces it. So ‘Mum’ is the word.  I decide not to mention the net while replying to the messages.

Facebook becomes a place of boredom, when you have no one to chat with. I log out and go back to sleep, when my niece wakes up and starts playing. Have always wondered, why kids love waking up early? Another few hours of sleep and my other half of the day starts. I hear my nieces, who are getting ready for school. Nephew is up too. The bed becomes a magnet during mornings especially the cold ones and mornings in Bhutan are always cold. I lay still in bed till the clock strikes 7:30 AM. After that I have no choice but to get up.

Another two hours of walking to and fro, six hours in the office (almost half of that time spent on trying to use Dzongkha Unicode), and another night with the bad net; the same thing happens all over again.

Because it is

It is the bare feeling of being happy just by catching a glimpse of that smile, which makes your heart skip a beat even when you are juggling the beatings life has to offer.

It is the very voice that sounds to you like something so blissful and soothing, which even beethovens symphonies can't match.

It is the bare look in those eyes that makes your world go blank and come to a standstill because you get lost in the beauty those sparkling eyes behold.

It is the very emotion you feel so deep and so true that will stay till the time you breath last because that feeling gives you a reason to smile.

It is something not everybody will relate to but for those who do know the beauty of it!!!